Why I Have so Many Kids

A few mornings ago, I awoke after having a very strange dream and felt prompted to write this article. Many times over I have met with people whose jaws drop when they find out I have five children. Sometimes I get a look of sheer horror. Sometimes I get this look: “Well, okay. Better you than me”! Sometimes I get really nice looks that say, “I know it is a lot of work, but you have a beautiful family”. I do not think that I have ever explained why I have so many children. To me, it’s not a lot when I compare myself to Shiloah with her seven, or my friend around the corner with nine children. And, yes, we all homeschool. To me, being a mother has been my favorite career/job I’ve ever held.

            Years ago, I ran off at the young age of nineteen to join the Air Force. I wanted to see the world. I wanted to have adventures. I wanted to meet new people. I got married six weeks before joining the Air Force and even though I wanted to do all these things associated with having a career, I wanted kids more. Three years into the marriage, we found out he was sterile, and another year after that the marriage collapsed and I left. I was already feeling the psychological effects of infertility, but once the divorce occurred, I couldn’t help but think I would never have kids and I went through bouts of depression over that.

            When I found out I was pregnant with Isaac, I was amazed. I actually found myself wondering that it even happened because to my knowledge, I had no idea if I could have kids even. So, through that whole pregnancy, I was in awe. I was overjoyed, excited, worried, happy, sad, stressed and, did I mention excited? Isaac arrived the day after I turned 25. I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to have as many kids as I had wanted because of my “advancing” age. Thirty was my cut off. I wanted to have time for retirement. If I stopped having kids at thirty, then the last kid would be out of the house at 49. I would have time to vacation with just my husband. I would have time to pursue my interests and still be fairly young to do it. I would have time for just me. God has other plans for me.

            After Isaac came along, four more came too, somewhere between nineteen and twenty-five months apart. Each one was different. Each baby was beautiful. Each baby had a different personality, but the more that came, the sweeter they seemed and the faster they grew. With every new baby, I pulled out the newborn clothes. I still have some from Isaac in pristine condition! They smell like newborns and a rush of memories come flooding back as I remember each baby’s birth that wore that outfit.

            So, here I am, almost 9 years later, with five kids, at age 33, knowing that we will be having one more baby, which should put me at about 35 by the time that sixth baby is born. For me, that is okay. For me, I can’t imagine our home without a baby in it. It will be a sad day for me when we don’t have toddler pulling stuff out of drawers and screeching because he can’t run with the big kids. It will be a sad day when I have to pack away the newborn clothes for good, or sell them at a garage sale after having been fitted on six little bodies.

            What has occurred to me, in all my selfish thoughts: I get to hold a baby, feed a baby, teach a child, tell them stories, is that we are fulfilling God’s command. Some people joke that we are multiplying and replenishing the earth. Yes, maybe we are, but I’m happy doing it. Ten years ago, I would have never thought this would be my life.

When I look at my children, I see some valiant and strong spirits. I can’t help but think about how they chose us to be their parents. Why did they choose us? I can see a much greater, eternal perspective now that I have borne children. I think for a time I must have thought my kids would be miniature versions of me and my husband. I don’t think I realized, as obvious as it may seem, that they are all individuals. As they learn, I learn. As Shiloah said one time, and maybe this sums up this whole essay, kids are addictive.

            I have so many kids because I’m addicted to them. I want to meet them, learn about them, help them, coddle them, and in the meantime, I am growing. I have learned about nutrition, education, budgeting, how to spot medical emergencies and when it’s “just a virus”, how to decorate a home that is kid proof, how to manage time (and how not to), how the spirit can leave and enter our home because of our prayers, behavior, media, language and actions. I have learned from my children how to forgive, how to laugh, how to use my imagination again. I’ve also learned to stay on my toes. We have some that are too smart, like my daughter that can imitate her brother’s handwriting perfectly and then gets him in trouble with it.  My two youngest figured out how to make a carwash for their cars…in the toilet. If you ever need a buddy to stay up late with you, Isaac’s the one. He’ll keep you up asking for stories, playing games, and watching a movie with you. My second son is constantly learning stuff, but sometimes it becomes too overwhelming for him and I then I have to remind myself that he is only six years old, even though he seems so much older. I have been blessed with a sense of humor, and a husband with one as well, and more often than not, we are laughing. We are happy, and that is why I have so many kids. Because I’m happy with them.

            No more does it matter that I do not have a lucrative career. No more does it matter than I have stretch marks over a once flawless body. No more does it matter that I do not have hours or days of quiet. I have found joy in these things. And, I suspect, I will find more joy in my children as they age and grow and share their secrets with me, share their dreams with me, share their children with me.

            My favorite quote is by Anne Campbell, and when times are so overwhelming, as they can get from time to time, I remember this:

            “You are the trip I did not take; You are the pearls I cannot buy; You are my blue Italian lake; You are my piece of foreign sky”.