I'm just going come out and write about hormones. They drive me nuts. I think I could have been certifiably insane this week. I can't predict it. I can't schedule it. So far, I don't know of any medications, oils or foods that help. There aren't warnings, and there aren't any good signs for a flare up until you've said too much or went too far.
PMS=Prementrstrual Syndrome. Wikipedia says it is a collection of physical and emotional symptoms related to a woman's menstrual cycle. It sounds innocent enough. Like, maybe I need to put a sweater on today because I might get chilled. Or maybe I have a bad hair day. Or maybe I need to wear my fat pants. I think as I get older, this gets worse.
At the beginning of the month the acne starts. I never had bad issues with my skin until about 4 years ago and the doctors told me the hormones were to blame. When that finally clears up, the bloating starts. After that, the cravings start. It never seems to be the same. One month it's ice. Then it's chocolate. Then it's chips. Then it's soda. Then it's (oh gee, I don't know why I have skin problems) popcorn. Then I decide my version of Lo Mein three days in a row is a great lunch. And the acne is back.
I'm starting to think these hormones are affecting my brain and my thinking/decision abilities. In November I wanted to adopt babies from orphanages. In December I wanted the perfect Christmas tree. By the end of the month, it was half mauled and most of the ornaments were smashed.
And by January, this was my list of activities and ideas:
Start a cookie delivery service
Make my own kombucha
I'm going to Nursing school! (Scratch that idea)
Let's rearrange the WHOLE ENTIRE HOUSE
Do I need another cat?
Declutter every closet in the house.
I don't have enough glitter.
Maybe I have ADHD?
I need to learn to crochet.
Give up soda. Tomorrow beg Curtis to bring home soda.
I work out.
Listen to the same song 20 times so I can memorize it.
Research and obsess about a damaged hypothalamus gland.
I start to think Tropical Fish Shop game on my phone is the best.game.EVER!
I watch an entire series of Little Mosque and decide to learn Arabic.
Decide to go on a juice fast, and then chuck that idea 24 hours later.
Had a dream I had an affair (Does this mean I want to have an affair? Obsess and analyze my entire marriage)
Two days ago, I decide it's a great morning to start a fight with Curtis. Nothing gets your point across like 50 angry texts because he hung up on you for being irrational and insane. 6 hours later, I have no idea why I was so mad and what his problem was. Poor guy. He was sick and then when he got to work, they sent him right back home because they didn't want germs there, like he really wanted to come back home because who knows what his half-insane wife would be doing.
By this point in the month, I've lost my memory too. I asked Curtis three times in a row if he is going to work tomorrow. I'm sure it's Friday, but the calendar says it's Thursday. I can't get any of the kids' names right, so yelling at them becomes an incoherent string of jibber jabber and no one knows who I'm yelling at.
Food stinks. Laundry soap smells awesome. My deodorant is okay, but my soap smells like barf. Today my hair looks awesome. Tomorrow after washing it, it looks greasy and I can't get a brush through it. My clothes are too big, too small, don't match, or aren't weather appropriate. I'm freezing at bedtime, sweating when I wake up.
My teeth hurt.
(These may or may not be symptoms of hormone problems)
Then I loose my internal filter. I'm calling my aunt, mom, and friends over 50 drilling them on their menopausal symptoms.
Today I decide (more like my whole family decides for me) I need to get out of the house and go have alone time. I go run some errands, decide I'm going to take up a hobby and drive all over looking for the things for this one hobby but never buy anything for it, and then decide to look around a thrift shop. Treasures of treasures, I find a book I never got to read in high school! I still had time before I had to be home, so I decide to sit in the car and read the book. I fell asleep. I don't know for how long, or even when I fell asleep, but there was drool and everything. I woke up because heard my phone chirping.
I am exhausted from the hormone roller coaster. The one comfort I have in this is that it is temporary, but that "temporary" is feeling more like a permanent house guest. I had one friend tell me that once she realized this was just life and a process, she just let it happen and it made it more bearable. I try to remember that and not burn any bridges along the way. I'm thankful I have forgiving kids and a good, tolerant husband, and a dog that comes when I call on that one day I have NO patience, and for little neighbor girls that come over and help me scrub dish soap off walls, floors, toilets and ceilings, and for friends that let me vent irrational thoughts and cry on their shoulders and confess that I love Bradley Cooper (only because of his blue eyes...mostly). Without these things, I wouldn't be coherent or able to get through one day, much less my life. I think we all have moments when we break down spiritually or physically. It is wonderful when we have people in our life that catch us when we do, dust us off, and stand us back up. Hopefully, I can look back and laugh at these things I get myself into. If I don't laugh, I might cry.