To Homeschool or Not to Homeschool

Wishy washy. That would be me.

In January we applied for the kids to go to a charter school. I half expected/hoped they wouldn't get accepted, but then they did. Every possible emotion trailed through me. Did I do enough for them? Is this the right thing? Are they ready? What am I going to do with just one kid at home all day? How long will they stay in charter school? Will I homeschool again? Can I let them go?

Over and over and over these thoughts go through my head. Poor Shiloah has been forced to ride this roller coaster with me as I call her every week and go around in circles with her as to what I should do. We all grow, and we all mature. Shiloah, who once validated me at every turn (good friends are so good at that!), has now with grace and patience calmed me and told me that either choice is good, and I just need to do what I feel is right for our family.

Homeschooling isn't something a lot of us just wake up to decide one day. I didn't even know that homeschooling existed until 7 years ago when I had it mentioned to me as Isaac graduated from Kindergarten. Homeschooling for us actually relieved a lot of stress, but also came with it's own set of stressors too. I traded meltdowns, teacher conferences, calls from the principal, special education appointments, meeting the bus, scrambling for lunches, matching clothes, homework, shoes and backpacks for loud days, lazy days, hectic days, shopping with six kids, a messier house, and searching out multiple curriculums for the one that worked, (one that kept my interest as much as it did the kids), many more demands of my time, and watching my kids develop their personalities. Jesse has become quick and witty. Isaac is more loving over time, and independent. Hannah...um....we're still working on her (some days are wonderful, most days are met with a fight to get her to do any kind of school work, much less sit properly in a chair and not stab her brother with a pencil). Simeon now sneaks into the school room and I thought it was to play Nanosaur 2 on the old school computers we got, but its so he can draw in peace and quiet and pour all of his mind's images onto paper. The little stinker knows 80% of his sight words without me ever having gone over them with him, but refused to read a book with me.

One night I listened to Joshua and Simeon having a conversation at the table. Simeon, age 6.11, and Joshua, just barely five, were discussing a game. Joshua has an eye for the pretty things in life, often telling me that I need to wear princess dresses, or he loves my hair, or how he needs to decorate his bedroom. When no tape is to be found, he's found that glue works just as well to beautify his room with his multiple drawings of lions. Complete with spirit fingers, he told Simeon how much he liked sparkly stuff. Simeon has clear definitions of what is boy and what is girl stuff. After seeing the "sparkly fingers", he gathered up his stuff and moved away from Joshua. Here Hannah swooped in, taking up the conversation where Simeon left off, in some hopes that Joshua might be able to fill the position of little sister. Yesterday, she dressed Joshua up in her princess dresses. How I love the sweetness of five year olds. I haven't forced gender roles on them; eventually they come into their own, but for the moment, it is pure sweetness to watch Joshua fill in the gaps left by the older four kids.

Curtis hasn't been pushing his opinions on me either. "I'll support you whatever your decision about homeschooling or public school". Friday he asked me if I had made a decision. "I think I really want to continue homeschooling". Monday he asked me if I was sure about that decision. "Nope. I dropped all their immunizations records off at the school. I have had it!" I replied. There's no telling on a day to day basis. Who would have ever thought my greatest temptation in my grown life was to put my kids in public/charter school?

A Well Trained Mind by Susan Wise Bauer (a classical education for homeschooling curriculum) fell into my hands about 3 years ago. I read bits and pieces out of it at the time, tried to implement some of them, and then lost my way. About a year ago, I borrowed it again from a friend. It was making more sense, but again, I chose to go about homeschooling my own way. Last month, again, I was reminded of the book. I finally ordered my own copy. Before it got to me, I checked it out from the library, borrowed the same copy from the same friend, and then something fell into place for me.

Many times I have lamented about moving to Utah at the time we did, and in one short year, many, many good things have happened (although, many would wonder how unemployment and disease are good things). Curtis had a job as soon as we got here, so what started out as a faith move really ended well. Only, six months later he was unemployed overnight. 3 months later he had another job, but now, within the month, he will loose that job. I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease, which was awful while undiagnosed, but doctors that knew right away what to test for with my symptoms.  Being where we are, at the time we moved, a store opened up that had the flours/foods I needed to make the diet changes. The kids (3 on the autism spectrum) got into therapy, Isaac's medications were balanced out, everyone was making progress. There were homeschool groups, museums, zoos, parks and mountain trails to help supplement our homeschool projects. What didn't go unnoticed to us as well, was our neighborhood. Living in Utah as an LDS church member is really unlike anywhere else I have ever lived. Neighbors know each other, help each other, and we all see each other every Sunday, and sometimes Wednesdays. Our Ward boundaries extend over just 6 blocks. We can walk to church. We can walk to do our visiting teaching. In my ward, there are about 6 homeschooling families, and three families with Celiac Disease, and about four families with autistic kids. My visiting teaching partner and one visiting teaching family both homeschooled as well. How is that for luck?! Two weeks ago I asked my visiting teaching family what curriculum she used. "A Well Trained Mind is what we follow". Does anyone recognize when by the fourth time it's mentioned to you, maybe you should look into it? I never doubt we are in the perfect place at the perfect time by God's will for us. But when something like this happens, I am overwhelmed with gratitude and love. I am noticed. I am known. I am provided for, all by a loving Heavenly Father.

I stayed up until 2 a.m. reading A Well Trained Mind two nights ago. I realized how I am a product of a public school education. I am not saying this to be uppity or be degrading to other parents who public school their children. I wanted to be a teacher! I was a teacher! I loved the smell of school, the crayons, the classrooms. I loved the structure of it. I loved the kids! I thought school was the only place for your children to go to at the age of 4/5 years old. This is how life is! I will admit the day I brought my kids home to homeschool, I was nervous. I was intimidated by a 6 and 4 year old. How well would I really be as a homeschooling parent? How do you go all radical and take this lifestyle on?

I don't know calculus. I don't know physics. I did not have a classical education (but I did learn phonics) and so I have not read (or do not remember reading) Dickens, or Wordsworth, and forget about Homer...that was just boring. I can't make an argument between two poems. I do not know logic (maybe common sense though?). I have probably made half a dozen grammatical errors in this blog post alone. I learned German because it was interesting. I read all I could about pregnancy, birth and children and by the age of 13 I had witnessed a live birth, but had no idea what all that really meant until I had my first baby. I wrote a novel by the age of 14. I took a calligraphy class in high school because it was interesting. I don't know what my SAT scores were and I don't remember learning anything about Lewis and Clark. I spent my weekends on a wildlife refuge with my boyfriend, hiking and watching the stars and catching lightening bugs, and very little making out. I don't feel I'm particularly smart, but I don't feel like I'm a failure. I can't look at others and compare myself because "the measurement will always be wrong." The one thing I do know is that if there is anything we take from this life, it is the things we learn. This doesn't mean I can't learn calculus, physics, Latin, or poetry at 37 years old, or 50, or 88.

I've doubted myself far to many times and not given myself enough credit. I love my kids. Do I love them too much? Am I being selfish in wanting to keep them home to homeschool? Is it bad to be excited about learning about Ancient Egypt and Latin myself and then teaching it to my kids?

These are the best pieces of advice I've ever received about the decision to homeschool:

1. Until the Lord tells me otherwise, I will continue to homeschool my kids.
2. Every kid is different. Some need public school because it is easier for them to answer to another authority and deadline.
3. Only you know your family as well as you do, and what is best for your family.
4. It is ok to eat chocolate pudding on the couch and watch movies all day sometimes. Take a week if you need to.
5. Kids continue to learn whether you teach them or not. Most will pick it up on their own in due time.
6. Your kid won't go to college wearing diapers even if they are not potty trained by age 4, they will learn to match their clothes eventually, and you will have to reteach them several things by the time they leave home (like laundry, dishes, and cleaning a toilet).
7. It is ok if you insist they read before going to Kindergarten or let them roll around to it at age 8. They won't be social misfits.
8. It is possible to homeschool special needs kids (I'm working with four now).
9. Let the "disbelivers" go. You don't have to be rude about it, but you don't have to be a doormat either. Negative comments about homeschooled kids are hurtful, but I find it is usually because some people don't understand it, how it is done, or just can't believe you would want to spend that much time with your own kids.
10. You will get patience!
11. Your house will always have some mess, somewhere, made by some kid. Let it go!
12. The day your kids repeat/teach something you have taught them to someone else will be as exciting as the day they were born.
13. Anything can be made into a homeschool lesson. Dead flies in the window? Science! Making cookies? Math and Home Ec! Cleaning the bathroom? Health and Science! Have a chicken carcass and no dog? Archeology and Science!
14. The day the baby won't be put down, the toddler throws himself across your table every time you try to sit down to do a lesson, the house is in shambles and your school age kids seem out of control from all the chaos...leave the younger kids with your husband and do night school with the kids until they start to fall asleep.
15. Let the guilt go!

No, my decision is still not made, but I set a time line for myself. We will work on A Well Trained Mind methods until August. If by then the kids are doing well and I'm still sane, I will keep going with homeschool. If not, it will be hard for me, but we will try charter school. I'm sure the kids will turn out just fine either way.