Life Changes
We decided last week to put all our kids in public school. This would have been our 5th year homeschooling and I hate that I caved now. Part of me feels like I have to justify myself to get out of the guilt I feel for putting them in school and part of me feels a huge relief to just have two little ones at home during the day. Does anyone know how clean my house is staying? Which makes me wonder: who was messing it up if its not the one and three year old?
I can't remember if I wrote about our summer on here or not. Heck, I can't even remember yesterday, let alone a month ago or two months ago. The stress level in our home reached a breaking point. I have to say that even in times of pregnancy, unemployment and moving (all at the same time), I never felt as stressed as I did over this summer. Isaac (Asperger's and ADHD), Simeon (Autism and Traumatic Brian Injuries totaling three now), and Hannah (diagnosed with Asthma) kept us on our toes this summer. It took us most of the summer to get Isaac on medications that worked for him, and so in the meantime we dealt with violent and destructive behaviors. Simeon chose this summer to experiment with penny swallowing, bead storing in the nose and then getting a concussion, shock and seizures all at the same time. I tried to homeschool through the summer, but it just wasn't working when it felt like just as we got our feet back on the ground, they were wiped out from under us again. I made a huge effort, and witnessed some beautiful answers to my prayers, but by the end of the summer, I just couldn't find my footing.
Burn Out.
I sought out the public school to get some help for Isaac and his disabilities. Along with everything else that child has, on top of it, he has learning disabilities. He tested 2 grades behind where he should be, so the school offered some assistance: 2.5 hours every day, all week, plus occupational therapy and some behavior therapy. After one week of him in it, we still couldn't get on back on track with our home schooling. I threw in the towel. I was at the end of my rope.
I'm sure my kid's friends now think they have the most clingy and over-protective mother on the planet. Of course, what would school be without all the socialization? They've made friends, and not just one or two, but several, and they all happen to live near us. When we were homeschooling, we had the perfect schedule, I thought. School and chores till 3:30, then when the other kids got out of school, they were free to go play with their friends. But now, they come home and charge right back outside. I miss my kids!
On the bright side, I have my house cleaner than it's been in YEARS. I got all the laundry caught up. Dishes are done, floors are clean, ceiling fans are dusted, walls are wiped, toilet is scrubbed, and toys are confined. I waffle between wanting my dear children home again, and feeling guilty because while they are gone, the house is cleaned and I've fallen into a natural schedule....at least one I've always dreamed of keeping.
Life is not perfect, mind you. Isaac is coming home in melt down status. Able to keep it together all day at school, once he's home he looses it. We have impulse control issues, memory loss, violent behavior, crying and screaming. At times I wonder if I should put him back to the 2.5 hours a day, leave the others in school, and bring him back home. Still an option, I suppose, but he does enjoy school, so that is a comfort.
I am not used to quiet time in the afternoon with little ones asleep and essentially about two hours to myself. I don't have fires to put out (sometimes literally), I don't have screaming, crying or fighting children, and I can go to the bathroom by myself! It is a relief in some aspect, but still, I miss our old schedule and I miss our children.
This isn't a forever solution, and I realize that, but for now, it is nice to have a break, to have some down time, and hopefully, most of us can heal and recover from this summer that was so much more stressful. Sometimes I think (well, I know) we can be so hard on ourselves, and yes, even our children.
I can't remember if I wrote about our summer on here or not. Heck, I can't even remember yesterday, let alone a month ago or two months ago. The stress level in our home reached a breaking point. I have to say that even in times of pregnancy, unemployment and moving (all at the same time), I never felt as stressed as I did over this summer. Isaac (Asperger's and ADHD), Simeon (Autism and Traumatic Brian Injuries totaling three now), and Hannah (diagnosed with Asthma) kept us on our toes this summer. It took us most of the summer to get Isaac on medications that worked for him, and so in the meantime we dealt with violent and destructive behaviors. Simeon chose this summer to experiment with penny swallowing, bead storing in the nose and then getting a concussion, shock and seizures all at the same time. I tried to homeschool through the summer, but it just wasn't working when it felt like just as we got our feet back on the ground, they were wiped out from under us again. I made a huge effort, and witnessed some beautiful answers to my prayers, but by the end of the summer, I just couldn't find my footing.
Burn Out.
I sought out the public school to get some help for Isaac and his disabilities. Along with everything else that child has, on top of it, he has learning disabilities. He tested 2 grades behind where he should be, so the school offered some assistance: 2.5 hours every day, all week, plus occupational therapy and some behavior therapy. After one week of him in it, we still couldn't get on back on track with our home schooling. I threw in the towel. I was at the end of my rope.
I'm sure my kid's friends now think they have the most clingy and over-protective mother on the planet. Of course, what would school be without all the socialization? They've made friends, and not just one or two, but several, and they all happen to live near us. When we were homeschooling, we had the perfect schedule, I thought. School and chores till 3:30, then when the other kids got out of school, they were free to go play with their friends. But now, they come home and charge right back outside. I miss my kids!
On the bright side, I have my house cleaner than it's been in YEARS. I got all the laundry caught up. Dishes are done, floors are clean, ceiling fans are dusted, walls are wiped, toilet is scrubbed, and toys are confined. I waffle between wanting my dear children home again, and feeling guilty because while they are gone, the house is cleaned and I've fallen into a natural schedule....at least one I've always dreamed of keeping.
Life is not perfect, mind you. Isaac is coming home in melt down status. Able to keep it together all day at school, once he's home he looses it. We have impulse control issues, memory loss, violent behavior, crying and screaming. At times I wonder if I should put him back to the 2.5 hours a day, leave the others in school, and bring him back home. Still an option, I suppose, but he does enjoy school, so that is a comfort.
I am not used to quiet time in the afternoon with little ones asleep and essentially about two hours to myself. I don't have fires to put out (sometimes literally), I don't have screaming, crying or fighting children, and I can go to the bathroom by myself! It is a relief in some aspect, but still, I miss our old schedule and I miss our children.
This isn't a forever solution, and I realize that, but for now, it is nice to have a break, to have some down time, and hopefully, most of us can heal and recover from this summer that was so much more stressful. Sometimes I think (well, I know) we can be so hard on ourselves, and yes, even our children.
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Dawn,
You don't have to justify yourself! If it was what you were inspired to do, then do it! Those issues you dealt with this summer would have brought down a burn out on other mothers much sooner than you did, so I hope you're finding peace with your decisions.
Remember, you are the steward over your home, and I have no doubt you did what was right for you and yours. I'm sending giant hugs your way, & know that I'm a homeschooler that supports families no matter what they choose for education - that's why we work so hard to preserve freedom in this country. The freedom to choose what is RIGHT for our families, whether or not that's public school, homeschool, private school... it's between you and God.
I don't think choices like this are ever easy, but I think you are a superhero!! Raising kids is a hard job. Raising kids with special needs is harder than anyone knows, except those of us who have done it.
Your kids know you love them and want what's best for them. It's not a failure to step back and recharge. And wow, maybe they'll do well and even thrive at school. :) As someone who spent nearly 20 years as a homeschooler, I always think it's a great choice. But I have also learned that we moms need to give ourselves some grace sometimes. We can't always be everything to/for our kids. But we can always be there for them.
For now, enjoy the respite, enjoy your preschoolers, and when your older kids come home, give them some fresh homemade cookies and let them tell you how great their day was. (((Dawn)))
Kris
Dear Dawn,
In the spirit of not being meddling, I shall say well done and know that whatever you decide, we are behind you. Am confidant you know what you are doing and hoping you receive a bit of rest, Dear.
Wow, what a journey you have had of late. I am following you now from MBC Follow Club....super blog! I will definitely be checking back
I feel you!! I have been homeschooling for over 10 years and I put two kids in school last year (out of 6). I was burned out too. I feel guilty too, but I feel better knowing they are getting something done instead of home with a burned out momma. Its sad, but I am feeling better. Considering sending two more next year and then my last one. Sure, some days I wish they were all home, but they are happy!!! Good luck!!!