Finding New Definition
It has been two weeks that the kids have been back to public school. Most of that time one or two of the four have been home sick. We are currently battling cases of pneumonia and croup, plus me with an infection as well and some pretty bad back issues. So, I don't know if I have gotten to fully experience the whole "kids in school and I have time to myself" phenomenon. At least, not for a whole week. What has really got me thinking about this blog post was a discussion group we had at MOPS on Friday. It started out trying to balance your life as a mom, and what you used to be like before kids. You probably knew yourself pretty good before you had kids. But after you had kids, you had to define yourself again, and this time as a mom. I'm sure it took a few month-years to finally feel comfortable in that role, but one day did you lay in bed thinking "I used to sleep in till 10 a.m. but now I call it good if I sleep in till 6:30."?
I've been trying to redefine myself. I used to be in the military, and really felt that defined me. I liked my job. I felt proud to be serving in the Air Force. I liked to wear the uniform and combat boots. I always had in my mind though, if I became a parent, I would get out of active duty. That came sooner than I anticipated, but I held onto the military by going into the Reserves. I still had a little bit of my old self when I left for the drill weekends, or attended to the 2 week annual tours. However, I loved motherhood. After the fourth baby came along, it just wasn't conductive to our family life for me to continue my career. I got out, went inactive, and felt that door slam shut on that part of my life. I felt a little lost. Trying to be an optimist, I made full use of that extra weekend a month though. I now had 4 full weekends a month I could spend with my family! At that point though, I turned my efforts and energy into homeschooling.
Now I wasn't just a stay at home mom, I was a homeschooler mom. This came with an adjustment to a new lifestyle. People wondered how I could spend all day with all my kids. I enjoyed them, I loved them! I didn't really feel too stressed out, in fact, I felt a lot of stress had drained away from our life. Life swung into a new schedule: breakfast, chores, school, lunch, naps, playtime, dinner, chores, baths, bedtime. I got my time away at church functions, going shopping in the evenings by myself, talking with friends or family late into the night.
Then came the diagnosis of autism for two of our kids. Now I had a new label, which yes, eased some consciousness that there really was something wrong, that I wasn't a horrible mother, that homeschooling hadn't done this to my kids, that maybe now I could get support, help, and direction. That didn't come so easy. Most people didn't believe they had autism, some people didn't know what autism was, and I found myself sometimes going in circles trying to find what worked, didn't work, trying medications, the medications stopped working, new medication, new appointments, and around we would go. But this was another definition to me as a mom. I was a mother to disabled children. And I needed help!
Now I'm trying to define myself again as a mother. I have kids in school. I have two at home. I never realized how much the older kids entertained the little kids because that 1 year old is BUSY! My house is cleaner than it has ever been! (Mostly). I thought, wow! I can do crafts, I can make quilts, I can finish that medical transcription course, I can do exercises, I can clean and it will stay cleaned up! What do I do while the little guys are taking a nap? I take a nap. Wow. Ok, not every day, but some days I'm taking a nap, and the other times, I'm cleaning or watching a movie or show...in peace and quiet, without some smaller noggins getting in the way or little fingers shutting it off right in the middle of the good part.
So I find myself defining myself again. I've already determined I'm not giving up homeschooling forever, and I'm going to take this time to figure out ME again before we start back up (hopefully next year). Maybe this is all part of the learning process in life...nothing ever stays the same. And for some us that are a little more inflexible in that department, it is quite an adjustment.
I've been trying to redefine myself. I used to be in the military, and really felt that defined me. I liked my job. I felt proud to be serving in the Air Force. I liked to wear the uniform and combat boots. I always had in my mind though, if I became a parent, I would get out of active duty. That came sooner than I anticipated, but I held onto the military by going into the Reserves. I still had a little bit of my old self when I left for the drill weekends, or attended to the 2 week annual tours. However, I loved motherhood. After the fourth baby came along, it just wasn't conductive to our family life for me to continue my career. I got out, went inactive, and felt that door slam shut on that part of my life. I felt a little lost. Trying to be an optimist, I made full use of that extra weekend a month though. I now had 4 full weekends a month I could spend with my family! At that point though, I turned my efforts and energy into homeschooling.
Now I wasn't just a stay at home mom, I was a homeschooler mom. This came with an adjustment to a new lifestyle. People wondered how I could spend all day with all my kids. I enjoyed them, I loved them! I didn't really feel too stressed out, in fact, I felt a lot of stress had drained away from our life. Life swung into a new schedule: breakfast, chores, school, lunch, naps, playtime, dinner, chores, baths, bedtime. I got my time away at church functions, going shopping in the evenings by myself, talking with friends or family late into the night.
Then came the diagnosis of autism for two of our kids. Now I had a new label, which yes, eased some consciousness that there really was something wrong, that I wasn't a horrible mother, that homeschooling hadn't done this to my kids, that maybe now I could get support, help, and direction. That didn't come so easy. Most people didn't believe they had autism, some people didn't know what autism was, and I found myself sometimes going in circles trying to find what worked, didn't work, trying medications, the medications stopped working, new medication, new appointments, and around we would go. But this was another definition to me as a mom. I was a mother to disabled children. And I needed help!
Now I'm trying to define myself again as a mother. I have kids in school. I have two at home. I never realized how much the older kids entertained the little kids because that 1 year old is BUSY! My house is cleaner than it has ever been! (Mostly). I thought, wow! I can do crafts, I can make quilts, I can finish that medical transcription course, I can do exercises, I can clean and it will stay cleaned up! What do I do while the little guys are taking a nap? I take a nap. Wow. Ok, not every day, but some days I'm taking a nap, and the other times, I'm cleaning or watching a movie or show...in peace and quiet, without some smaller noggins getting in the way or little fingers shutting it off right in the middle of the good part.
So I find myself defining myself again. I've already determined I'm not giving up homeschooling forever, and I'm going to take this time to figure out ME again before we start back up (hopefully next year). Maybe this is all part of the learning process in life...nothing ever stays the same. And for some us that are a little more inflexible in that department, it is quite an adjustment.
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I think know what you mean about having to re-define yourself. Our youngest 2 of our 7 children were diagnosed last year with with metabolic disorders. I've never been a mother of chronically ill children before.
I've been trying to figure out who this new person is, and how she can excel, joyfully, in her new role.