Round is a shape, right? After watching and listening to Shiloah's experience with weight loss, it became blaringly apparent that I needed to do something for myself. You don't just have six kids and expect to remain the 115 lb. waif you used to be. I always dreaded being the mother that kept ten pounds after every baby, and guess what? That's what I did. After every baby the weight came off slower and slower, until now, I feel like it just never left. Something has to change. I don't like looking at myself anymore. Not that I fawned over myself in the mirror in the first place, but this is not what I remember looking like.
Today I decided this was it. I would start back to our excercise routine this week. Shiloah did the "From Couch to 5K in 6 Weeks" when she began running. Something that we have discussed over the past year while she has pushed herself through drastic diet changes and exercise routines, was emotional health, and in particular, how your emotional health effects your weight. I can see it in my own life. I can see it in my husband's life. While I feel like I've worked through some pretty major emotional hurdles over the last three years, I know I'm not completely "cured".
I decided to map out 3.1 miles tonight through the neighborhood. I drove (in a car) down a dirt road at the end of our street, up a hill, turned around and came back past our house. That was one mile. I started to feel like I was having an asthma attack. I got down to the two mile mark. I broke out in hives on my legs. I got to the two and half mile mark and got hives around my torso. I know that hives can be an emotional issue, so I sat in my car thinking for a few minutes, called Shiloah and discussed the issue, and then went inside to make dinner.
After dinner I decided that NO. I was not going to let some little hives and an imagined asthma attack stop me from exercising. I tied on my shoes, tightened my bra, put on some exercise pants and instead of struggling through the whole neighborhood, embarassing myself in front of the neighbors, I decided to go up to a 3 mile bike path. (Isn't that convenient? Already mapped out for you).
The boys came with me and we alternately walked and ran 3 miles in 40 minutes. They didn't give up and more importantly, I didn't give up. My face was red as a beet and I must have sounded like a heavy breathing horse, but I did it! And, no asthma attack and no more hives. This is what I figured out the cause was for the asthma and hives (which come to think of it now, has happened a lot in the past...like every time I had a PT test in the military). I hated basic training, and what I dreaded most was the exercise. There was never a chance to stop and rest. You had to run through that stomach cramp, leg cramp, and dehydration. You weren't allowed to walk, not unless you wanted to draw the wrath of the drill sergeant. And you had to run in step, which was horribly difficult for me and earned me the nickname Dookeystomper. I couldn't march either. I just didn't have the coordination. Remember Seinfeld and Elaine dancing? George said it looked like a dry heave in reverse? Yeah...that's me and my "moves". What exactly was I afraid of tonight? This: some 6'2 big dude with a Scottish accent running beside me yelling "Get in step!!! Do not disgrace me! Come on, you're embarassing me! You Dookeystomper! Get to the back of formation!!!!!" Think of Chef Ramsey berating you for running instead of cooking. Come to think of, my drill instructor kinda looked like Chef Ramsey. So, if that doesn't create instant hives, I don't know what will.
What Shiloah pointed out to me tonight was that it was really nice that I could run as fast, slow or not at all as much as I wanted. I didn't have anyone saying when or where or how long. I made those decisions. I thought I was going to pass out for the first mile. I was heaving, panting and parts of my body I didn't know I had were jiggling. This was all the more incentive to keep going and keep this up. I don't need this extra weight,and honestly, what am I holding onto it for? As we came back down the mile and a half though, the running was easier, my breath was coming easier and I could run for longer periods than when I started. It was actually kind of fun and I feel pretty good.
Now tomorrow....we'll see how I feel getting out of bed or just trying to walk.
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